Writer Wednesday

WRITER WEDNESDAY (+ COVER REVEAL!): A Guest Post by Brooklyn Ray

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Good morning, y’all! Welcome back to the blog for another Writer Wednesday!

Now, I know I say this every week, but today we have a really exciting post from author Brooklyn Ray. Seriously, as soon as we talked about what they were going to write on for the post? I’ve been dying to see what they had to say for months.

Brooklyn is here, today, to talk with us about kink and the exploration of kink in romance, and in particular, the need for kinky romances that include partners that are all exploring for the first time.

Also, we have a very exciting addition to Writer Wednesday this week–Brooklyn has chosen today to reveal the cover for PORT LEWIS WITCHES VOLUME 1, the print book featuring REBORN, DARKLING, UNDERTOW, and a bonus short called HONEY!

So please, scroll down a bit and take a look at Brooklyn’s words. They’re really special and very important. And then, keep on scrolling to see the Vol 1 cover!

 

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Queer Kink and Our Obsession with Experience

Sexual identity sometimes presents itself in strange ways—especially when it comes to kink culture and how we address pleasure. There’s no easy way to step into a new realm of sexual gratification for the first time, because usually that gratification comes with questions, exploration, new territories, untested boundaries and an unwavering trust between two or more people. That’s not to say that diving into kink for sexual satisfaction can’t be a wonderful, intimate experience—to be honest, I rather hope it would be—but so often in books and media we’re exposed to the idea that kink, especially situations with Dominant and Submissive roles, is a bombastic, adventurous act where one party—usually the Dom—takes their new Sub for a ride through a world they’ve already mastered.

Rarely do we see a portrayal of kink life where both/all parties are trying something for the first time. And to build on that, an even rarer aspect that I haven’t seen explored is the nameless, misunderstood beginnings—the place where communication is unsteady, terminology is unknown and mistakes are made.

That rare, fresh look at kink life is crucial, and that’s what I’m going to focus on today.

I’ve read countless great books that feature safe, consensual kink that I could personally relate to, books where the Dom is a loving, stoic character who has mastered control, knows the signs that accompany Sub Drop and never forget about aftercare. They walk their Sub through cues and scenes, recognize when a safe word is going to be said before it’s ever uttered, and love their partners fiercely in and out of the bedroom. But as lovely and warm as that picture is, it simply isn’t the reality for many people who dabble in kink.

At least, not at first.

At first, there’s sometimes the fumbling, messy, unsure play masquerading as sex that ushers people to kink resources, clubs, dungeons, or support groups. Sometimes that same type of sex simply leads to a new level of satisfaction between two or more people without ever stepping foot in a dungeon or club. Believe it or not, we all have to start somewhere, and as luxurious as a handsome Dom with a raspy voice who knows their shit sounds, it usually isn’t the beginning for all of us. That absolutely does not mean that the beginning—whatever it may look like—isn’t important, real, or less than that of someone who does find their handsome, raspy Dom at the drop of a hat.

For me, and for many others, the pull to sexually-satisfying kink begins with unconventional—usually uncontrollable—bouts of unexplained pleasure. Sometimes kink can reveal itself in small ways. Biting, scratching, hair-pulling and general roughness during sex was my indicator that kink was on the horizon, something both me and my partner wanted to explore. However, I had absolutely no terminology for that. Neither did she. So, what happened? Where did we go? What did we do? Rough sex was a normal thing for many sexually-satisfied people in my social circle, but I had no idea how to tell just how rough rough should be. What I wanted rough to mean.

I didn’t know what a safe word was. We didn’t establish a safety code, communicate about cues, body language, or triggers, because that language had never been readily available to us. Unfortunately, this led to an extremely unhealthy relationship built on physicality neither of us knew how to explore. My personal situation is where my understanding for the lack of representation in literature—especially Queer literature—stems from. Because, honestly, who wants to read about a rocky relationship riddled with mis-communication and flaws?

Well, I do. Because maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have stayed in an underwhelming relationship for as long as I did. And maybe if those rocky beginnings were penned with care, more beginners wouldn’t feel alone, isolated and afraid to communicate with their partners, do research, try new things and do so safely.

Sometimes miscommunications can come across as cruelty, silence and lack of aftercare can do lasting damage, and pain-play can lead to injuries. While all of these instances are problematic, they’re realistic for many of us who entered into kink without an experienced partner leading us. So, what do we do? What happens when two people are engaging in kink-behavior but don’t know what to call it? How do we express these feelings and experiences thoughtfully? I say this cautiously, but I think it’s important to see the progress from a beginning steeped in mistakes to a steady relationship thriving in communication and consent. To make something clear, I’m absolutely not talking about glorifying non-consensual relationships, but I am talking about highlighting what consent means, how we react to consent, and shifting power dynamics. Because sometimes, a lot of times, consent isn’t a term that’s on the table to start.

Do I tell them to stop? Ouch, that was a little too much. I don’t want to stop, but I think I need a break. Shit, what if I’m just overreacting? I was really into this a few minutes ago, but now I’m numb. They’re just doing what they think I like, so it’s fine. Wow, that was harsh but I guess they like saying those things to me. Do I ask them not to? Is this for them or for me?

These were all thoughts that circulated regularly through my head, accompanied by questions, concerns, wants, and needs that I never expressed, because I didn’t know how to express them. The blurry line between abuse and the unknown in the beginning of a relationship, where terminology isn’t readily available, is a very real thing. But what does that mean? Does it mean that the relationship was inherently toxic or abusive? Not necessarily. Taking characters from that mindset and introducing them into something far more satisfying, rewarding, safe and positive can be incredibly impactful. Especially when we’re allowed to watch the characters develop, grow, and learn each other.

I understand the allure of books where one character is far more experienced than the other. It’s easy. Digestible. Usually these stories are the ones that show us the in’s and out’s of new play, good kink role models, and gently push us into new territories. But while those stories are lovely—Queer kink in romance is lacking in a department where in depth exploration is needed most: The beginning. Stories that don’t start with guidance but instead start with questions.

If I would’ve had the resources available that could remind me: Yes, tell them to stop. Breaks are normal and good. You’re not overreacting. Sub Drop is real. No, you don’t have to like humiliation or anything related to it. Yes, ask them not to. It’s for both of you, always.

Romance is a place most of us go to escape, but it can be such a vital, useful tool when it comes to showing the development of relationships. We need to see the not-so-great beginnings that have the potential to lead to swoony-sexy endings, because those beginnings can arm us with information as well as validation. We deserve exposure to tough conversations, poignant storylines, and lovers who need space to find themselves within kink and sexual satisfaction.

Without them, we will continue to live in the space after established consent rather than exploring the conversation and development that comes with establishing it to begin with.

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If you enjoy kinky, sexy books where kink is nurtured by a loving, experienced Dom, check out my first stand-alone Port Lewis story and full length erotica—UNBROKEN—releasing on April 8, 2019.

If you would like to see kink explored and developed between two characters who don’t quite understand communication or boundaries, the next novella installment of The Port Lewis Witches—PREDATORY—explores this and more between two beginners. This novella releases in June 2019.

DARKLING and UNDERTOW are available for purchase and feature kinks such as blood-play.

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16971356Brooklyn Ray is a tea connoisseur and an occult junkie. She writes queer speculative fiction layered with magic, rituals and found families.

She/Her/They

Twitter: @BrookieRayWrite
Tumblr: brooklyn–ray.tumblr.com

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Brooklyn Ray on Amazon 💎 Brooklyn Ray on Barnes & Noble 💎 Brooklyn Ray on NineStar Press 💎 Brooklyn Ray on Kobo

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And now! Time for the cover of PORT LEWIS WITCHES VOLUME 1!

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port lewis witches vol 1

Isn’t it so pretty? I cannot wait to finally get to hold this baby in my hands come November 26!

PREORDER @ BARNES & NOBLE
PREORDER @ AMAZON
PREORDER @ BOOK DEPOSITORY
PREORDER @ INDIEBOUND

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